My experience in jail...

Her name is Angel... Couldn't forget her! She just completed one year when I first went to that jail... Her mom asked me to take chocolate, very candidly, who was a prisoner there... I didn't know why initially; couldn't managed to find out as the "Isha inner engineering class" was about to start in a couple of minutes.

Well, that's the reason I went there. When Swami Vishnu called up and said the previous night, 'why not you come as a volunteer for organizing the Isha yoga class?'... I immediately said 'yes'. But there were some slight discomfort in me. How will the people be in jail, will they be harsh, cruel, dishonest! Will I return safe? All these questions just surfaced in my mind... But I am not a person to give up new experiences for socially inflicted fears! Somewhere in the corner of the mind, I probably knew this was false fear! So I managed to get up early the next day and headed for the 'Puzhal' jail, where Isha Yoga conducted a Yoga program for Women! Inner Engineering program for women in Jail!

Angel's mom Julie was one of the many participants in the yoga program. She handed over the kid to one another volunteer(Naga akka) and attended the class. She managed Angel quite well... However I couldn't resist taking care of Angel as kids are inseparable part of my life! So, went there, relieved Naga akka and I took Angel in my arms! She's falling asleep as I rocked her gently! Finally she dozed off and I managed to return to the program class!

When the 3 hours class was over for the day, kid woke up. I thought Julie will run to pick her little one. Much to my surprise, she was not anxious and I found her playing volleyball! I was stunned for a moment and quite didn't understand what was going on there...

Julie is an excellent volley ball player and when she found the ball there (which was brought there for Isha games), she couldn't but play it!

Angel was born in jail, she was brought up by e'one there! She belongs to e'one. She's brought up in such a big family. She takes food from e'body there. She easily get along with strangers! My heart sank when I came to know that Angel was born in there, she's even having her first b'day there... I don't know why, because both mom and kid seemed to be happier than many people I see outside.

May be because, Angel doesn't enjoy a life that Isha enjoys (my 2 year old daughter)! I dont know exactly... But the pain continues to be there...

A glimpse at Isha's 2nd B'day party

It started wtih a hasty return from work to take care of the arrangements at home for a small celebration. I was worried about Isha's health; on the eve of her b'day, she showed up 101 degree Fahrenheit, and we took her to emergency at 3 AM in the night. She was prescribed crocin and another medicine for setting bowel movements right. So with all this in mind, I went out of my mind all through the day at office and during my return home, until I saw Raj. [He's always been my morale booster... He's always convinces me things are ok.] When I anxiously asked him, how the kid was doing. He said, she's sleeping and just doing fine. Finally, a moment of relief! Happy to know that her illness had not progressed. We set out in full swing to prepare the house for a small party, if I can call that so... Balloons, decoration papers, hangings on the wall, paper cone caps written 'happy b'day', cake, snacks etc etc set the celebration mood at home :) We decorated the hall to whatever extent possible with the little ones (Isha and Anush) around... They went on and on in extending my patience level :)) As I blow a balloon, these tiny ones will be in the queue to take it from me. Finally managed to stick a few in the walls and moved to the next phase... Dressing up the party princess... All of us almost failed in this one single event! We succeeded just to make her wear the panty! not the party dress from aunt, the one from mom & dad couldn't stand longer than the photo sessions... so the cake cutting ceremony happened with isha on her real b'day suit with just the old trunk around! Lets look at the highlights! Highlights of the event: 1) Decoration truned out to be simple and beautiful 2) Bonus balloons for the kids 3) Isha cried her tonsils out for wearing the b'day dress, liked just her shorts 4) Grandpa got another big cake for all of us (so totally we had about 3 boxes of cake) 5) Cutting cake was another big mess 6) Cake was made into a cake crums at the end 7) Photo session was absolutely random (Poor dad was missed out in the mess that happened) 8) Girls liked their toys (Teddy and Tigky) and accepted them as their doubles partners. 9) Heavy thunderstorm and rain, followed by cool night (A much wanted break from the zapping heat) 10) And a dinner for all of us bought from some ABC hotel :) which Prasad managed to get it in the heavy rains! (Special thanks to him :) )

My BF told 'I love you'!

No no no... it's not 'Boy Friend', it is 'Best Friend'... my BF told 'I love you' to her date (if i can call him so). She seems to be set well into the groove - "Courtship with her would be husband!" A perfect relationship, ideal couple, they look like...

As I turn back, and walk along the memory lanes of the times I spent with her, I know, 'Romance, love, longingness, anxiety of separation' were all once 'Greek & Latin' to her... Now this thin lady is dancing in love's rhythms! I can't tell you how happy I am and definitely not how happy she is :)
Mind is capable of doing many things that you wouldn't imagine, and Love will be a key player in the game... My dear lady is doing/saying unimaginable things for her stature and character!

Wishing tons of luck to her 'would be' ;-), couldn't resist pitying him :) as he nods his head for e'thing she says!

Once the romance wears out a bit, its gonna be fun to watch them! But I hope they live long with the freshness of love and romance for many many years :)

Good luck buddies!

Pogaadhe...

Guess what! today my little one told me 'pogaadhe' (dont go)! I was taken over by surprise for the little brat finally learnt to utter that one killing word! Out of the non stop talking she does like me, this is the first time she used this one!

Its a big achievement for her and me too... A number of days I have wondered and talked to my friends in despair, when I started going to work after exhausting maternity and e'other leave "I wish my kid opens her mouth and tell me, 'how is it for her when I leave to work?', but alas, she couldn't communicate... should i take it as OK or not OK... I don't know"

Now after more than a year, she sprouted that little mesmerizing word - "pogaadhe"... I just smiled and went back and asked her, ' what is it?', she blushed and burried her face into her hands and repeated it!

Oh! What a moment it was...
Know what!! My tiny one was saying it for fun :)) when I was just going to the kitchen to get her meal!! and she knows the running around is about to start anytime...

Ain't she smart!?!

How does it feel?! :-)

Its gonna be almsot 2 years since my little one came to this world, or in other words I became a mother...
How does it feel?! It feels like e'thing... Yes, e'thing in my life... So far what ever feeling I felt in me, every bit of it has intensified. Happiness, tears of joy, love, compassion, passion, anxiety, disturbance, resentfulness, loneliness, helplessness! It was a different 'me' altogether to me! I never thought Isha will take Raj's place in terms of energy, attention & time... May be I took it very hard on me - The Parenting.

Not even 2 years and I kinda feel exhausted emotionally to bear her every mischief, every smile, every laughter, every hug, every illness, every cry, every tantrum and what not! It is so overwhelming... Having said all this, I feel so intense! very intense!
Intensely joyful, intensely compassionate and intensely sad too... It is like swinging from one end to the other end...
And you know what! I am enjoying the ride! (I better do! :-)) )

So with that,

I am saying 'Congratulations' to me and to all mothers in the world!

They deserve much more than what they do now!

Why my dad didn't like me cough at night?

I still remember when I was around 10 or 11 years of age, my dad used to get tensed and even scold me when I cough at night. "What happened? Drink water!" I used to wonder how could anyone control cough and would not talk back anyway. I would close my mouth tight or hold it inside to the extent possible and it came out after a few seconds though!

Now why am I reminded of this all of a sudden? Last week, Isha had cold and cough. Every time, she coughs or rolls or makes some uncomfortable movement, it wakes me up. I literally don't go to sleep if she has any little inconvenience.

Now I understand why my dad was not happy when I coughed. It bothered him so much he vented it out on me. I love you dad :)

Game over...

Now, this is getting a little serious...

This is what happened. I smashed my brother's mobile to the floor... it broke into tiny pieces! Raj said, 'you need not play... move out!'... I stayed unmoved there in front of Prasad with whom I was playing a game... Chess board stared at me with a no-way but defeat look! I gave a cold reply to Raj, 'ask him(Prasad) to play', not interested in talking to Prasad directly. He was busy trying to set the pieces of his broken mobile together... After a few moments, he quietly played the game while I helped fix the mobile.

Game was over, he won!

I knew I behaved violent... The comment he made when I was about to lose really really irritated me~ 'Dont come here to play chess... go take care of Isha. You are fit for that' ~ the next instant he was searching for the broken pieces of his mobile!
It was derogatory I felt...

But after giving some serious thought, there is nothing derogatory about his comment. ONLY I can take care of my toddler. Definitely he can't do it. For that matter even Raj cannot make her take a bite of food... Isha and I share the most intense relationship. Yes, I am fit to take care of Isha, 100%

Let me tell you something, I am a very deep and intense (rather mad) person! You are gaming with me, you better let me win :P or have your mobile away :))