My experience of God and Bhakthi

I started going to temples at a very young age… I could feel nothing there, though I played give and take business with God like everybody else. If I get first rank this time, I would break a coconut. If I get this much marks, I would come to see you, Lord Muruga (Marudhamalai temple). First 15-20 years of my life, I was living in fear of God. At one point, I thought this was very painful, let me think there was no God. Nobody could prove anyway. When I was 22 years, I came in touch with this person, Sadhguru, did Isha yoga program. I started living life after that… I moved on from God-fearing to God-loving! What is this feeling? Read on - My experience of a temple visit…

The plan of visiting Someshwara temple in Kadapa, AP was hatched to me when I was doing back to back ashram trips to Coimbatore and in between hectic schedules. I wanted to go certainly, but was wondering wouldn’t it be too much for my body? But it was irresistible. Why? It was the place where Sadhguru had gone to in his previous birth and in this birth as well. He had visited this temple along with a group of closely associated people with him and offered Naga abarnna to the Linga (Someshwara) there, in 1997. This place certainly has some energy, my Guru’s presence. These days more than His physical presence, I am more devoured by His absence! I could feel Him everywhere…

Though the initial plan was visiting Sangameshwara temple, in Kadapa, (thanks to Swami Gurubiksha) we “corrected” our plan to visit Someshwara as well.

So, needless to say there was so much openness in me and all the like-minded meditators with whom the yatra began. In our group of about 20 meditators, there were people of all ages right from the age of 6 to 70… But it was like all were aged alike. We could feel no differences amongst us! This needs to be felt, definitely. J

After a bit of waiting and eating (:D), we started from Chennai at around 9 am, 26, Oct 2013. An easy 6.5 hours of journey was stretched to nine hours (Thanks to all of us – we stopped at every possible place and I enjoyed every bit of it!). We reached Devuni Kadapa, Someshwara temple at around 6. With a tiring body and mind, I got down, more than the temple entrance, I was looking for ‘Idli podi’ shop(Well, that’s typical of me. I was entrusted with the job of getting Idli podi for dinner). Finally, I delegated the job to the driver anna and prepared to get into the temple. To my slight disappointment, the Linga, Someshwara was so small, but beautifully decorated by the Naga Abharnna. We did archchana in all of our names, prostrated to the Linga there and proceeded to the parikrama. At the back side of the temple, there was a thinnai where some other deities were present. I found a pillar and resting my back there, sat in silence, eyes closed. I was gracefully intimidated by the divine mosquitoes there, I got up (out of no choice) to darshan the other deities and finally did ‘Guru pooja’ in front of Shiva in deity form and came out of the temple.

My mind wasn’t so alert or sharp to comprehend what happened inside the temple. But the moment, I stepped out of the temple, I felt I was a different person. There was no tiredness anymore. Mind and body became fresh as if I jus did my practices or Sannidhi or Bhairavi pooja.

We all boarded our vehicles again. The purpose of our trip was over. Visiting Sangameshwara temple was an addendum, I thought. Little did I realize, the yatra was far from over.

Now everybody was charged up. The chants were on continuously. Guru Paduka Stotram, Nirvana Shatakam, Aum Namashivayah, Brahmaananda Swaroopa, Shambho were chanted in full swing. We reached Sangameshwara temple near the river bed in the midst of mountain range at around 9 PM.

We had arranged for Abhishekam with the Prohitar in advance. All I knew about the temple was it is located at the Sangamam of 3 rivers and the linga was consecrated by Sage Agastya. This temple unlike other famous ones did not have any shops around, no selling of flowers or coconuts, the path way to reach this temple is not so straight forward, kind of hidden I would say! We were given all materials of abhishekam in several plates and asked to circumambulate the main temple. We did three rounds as is customary but with the chant ‘Aum Nama Shivayah’ loud enough that the Sangameshwara himself wanted to come and see who these people were J

The prohitar narrated the history of the temple, the importance of pancha abhishekham in pure telugu (thanks to Raj, he did the rendition in tamil). There were some amazing facts about the temple shared  by the priest there. My logical mind could get a bit, but was not focused so much. Probably, because I heard them as a fascinating story not as true happening.

But the moment I entered the Garbha Griha for doing the seva to the Linga with the chant on, my mind wasn’t in control any more, it was put to rest. Sheer energy presence of the Linga was too much, it engulfed me totally as if my chest and heart would blast right there. I couldn’t close my eyes neither could I keep it open. It was intoxicating. I happened to step out almost towards the end of the abhishekam as the kids were falling asleep and I had to mother them. (Thanks to Sumi akka for having fed them!)

The entire process got over around 1’o clock in the night. We had our dinner and rested for the day at around 2 am. I went to sleep with a piercing headache. I woke up around 8 am the next morning (btw, I was the last to get up J) with the same headache. The pain was nagging and persistent.

There was a flowing river near by. Everybody took a dip, bathed there. I was the last one to go alone. There was an eerie silence, jus the sound of flowing river. I went with bare foot, stepped on some thorns and rocks. I had walked some 7 or 8 steps towards the stream and started to feel the depth. I was standing in water till my waist. I tried to sit on a rock to get a grip and do a ceremonious three dips in the river. Gushing waters inside was pushing me up. I felt strong under water currents. First time, I felt a fear for life. Unyielding part in me didn’t want to recede without taking the dips. Finally, with great grit, completed the dips, went back to the stay area, changed clothes and went inside the temple for a darshan.

Now, this part was truly mind blowing. Sat near the Moola sthana, Sangameshwara was shining after overnight abhishekam and alankaaram. Chants were on by the fellow meditators. Tears overflowed for no reason, loud cry, incessant tears, bursting emotions… Why was I crying, what was my wish – there was nothing. Nothing to ask for, nothing to give to Him… - It was all nothing. From that nothing, I sensed my perception of divine, my perception of God had enhanced. I realized how to simply “be and receive”. I sang ‘Bho Shambho’ song, settled down there. Came out after a few minutes, completely refreshed and recharged. Headache was gone, no pangs of hunger or tiredness. I don’t think I could explain this with enough justice…

This temple has something… it is not a modern complex as we see in our cities. It needs to be experienced! Somehow, the sanctity of this place, the energy is well preserved over several hundred years.

Someshwara and Sangameshwara – They are mind blowing combination for a divine seeker! They would sweep you off your feet only if you are willing…

Grace...