Savings...

My name is Abirami Mohanraj. I am a manager in a reputed IT company. I am married to Rajasekhar Vuppaladhadiam and have a kid of age 4 years. We both earn quite well and have a happy living. Life definitely presents its own challenges every now and then and thankfully we are also bestowed with the necessary tools to overcome them.

I was brought-up in a middleclass family. My dad with four kids and an ailing wife fought all along to position us where we are right now with extra-ordinary grit. I know what is poverty, I know what is pain, I know what is embarassment! But I am also proud of my childhood, for I am what I am now, because of it.

And today, I suddenly feel like a new brahmin! Nay.. it is certainly not what you think. I don't intend to create a racial clash here. Brahminism is considered superior in our caste system. Likewise, in this society, where everything is valued by money, I became a new brahmin in terms of materialistic richness.

From ashes to honor, should I say? Well, whatever, the urge in me to help, share and give has always been quite high. A number of times, I have surprised my husband with some instant decision to offer/donate/give something to someone :) and so far he has never said 'no'...
Conversations like these happen in our home - My husband asks 'who is he?' and I reply 'Oh, he... I asked him to come home to collect the donation cheque from us. So how much, 5, 10, one-time, monthly, yearly, ECS?' (actually I made up my mind already on how to donate, what to donate!) In all these, he participates whole-heartedly, that's the best part in him :) and why not when we both share similar life styles throughout...

But for these acts, my life would have been so bitter and ugly I would say... Finally I identified sweetness and fragrance in my life... These small drops of sweetness that I enjoy, I wouldn't let go of, come what may. This joy is not simply because of giving money. It is because of the human values I get back from it.

The smile in those kids' faces when they receive their new school kit, the smile in those oldage home in-mates for having a sumptuous meal that we sponsored as a group, the satisfaction in that parent's face when she sees her daughter go to matriculation school, giving all of them a ray of hope to survive - This light and fragrance, that I breath is so overwhelming...

When I die one day, there would be tears down our sponsored children's faces and many others - these tear drops are the savings for my kid! :) One of my well wishers told me 'remember, you have a daughter'... Yes, I got to save for my daughter and here it is - 'Grace'

Before I wrap up this article, one last bit - Let me also say, I am not gullible. Like I brought in another visitor for my husband - 'who is he now?', 'oh he... Bank person - Demat account. Stock market is not doing good now, good time to invest!'

Life is a balance, full of debits and credits! :)

Blame it on the hormones...

I am sorry, "Guys". It is yet another article on male-female analysis…

Men are given respect – Huge respect! For what? Any guesses? Not for age, not for job, not for character, not for their salary.
But because they are "MEN"; Oh yeah! because they are have more Testosterone than women; rather they are the proud owner of that proprietary hormone! :P

I vividly observe this in most household including mine. Mother-in-law won’t sit in front of son-in-law. Husbands are not supposed to do house chores - “Please they aren’t made for it. They are MEN”. This is not the case in most city households. If you travel South of Tamilnadu, you could see this in pretty much in many villages and towns. I am not sure if man of the house demands this, but has been provided to him, by default. So, no woman dares to question it. It is like ‘Sun rises in the east’ – rule of the nature!

It happened in my home "sweet home", a couple of days back. Cook was as usual on unplanned leave and mom not quite OK. So, it was my dad who rose to the occasion as always. At the end of the day, our kitchen sink was overflowing with used utensils and vessels. I thought it was not appropriate for my dad to get up early in the morning, wash everything and begin cooking. I casually asked Raj to help out as I was tired that day because I am a WOMAN (I mean cos of progesterone - periods) :P. He began to do it. That’s it. Hell broke loose with my parents. They came to me and murmered ‘ask him to leave it and go’, ‘he shouldn’t be doing it’! I was like ‘gimme a break’ and cut them off sharp.

I am not blaming men here. If you carefully observe it is the social fabric. Nice fabric – jus that it is not used properly, I would say.

On further physical examination, what is the real difference between men and women. Appearance? Organs? Thoughts? Emotions? – Pls, whatever it is... Let’s blame it on the hormones. Otherwise, you and me are humans, without doubt!

Let’s take a step further and do a comparison…

Human being is a great possibility. It’s something that probably every other species aspire to be. Human birth is the highest, next to God! (let me stop here and not turn spiritual!)

Now, what do we do with this human being. Men dominate women not just in the name of marriage, in every relation we have created in this culture. Now, have you seen any male animal doing this to the female animal? Don’t they take care of their lives well? Don’t they operate smoothly?

With that extra intelligence bestowed upon us, I think we have every right to live sensibly and treat each other with mutual respect and empathy.

It’s time (it’s too late already) we realize men and women are the same species – damn with those hormones! (I think we should let them do their designated jobs ;-) and not use it for abusing the remaining half). :D

Peace...
Abi

A leaf from my college life!

How I got famous in a day... A leaf from my college days!

Aug 17 1998, I was in GCT, Coimbatore in the hostel campus after completing all the admission formalities. My first day! I had absolutely no idea of what I was into. I was kind of blank. I did my 12th standard with unwavering determination to achieve something and not this college or degree [Not that I didn't want this, but thought I wouldn't get this] - My aim was to become a Maths tuition teacher and make a living out of that. However, my scores landed me here. With no imagination of my first day there, I was quite open to things and my priority was to get acclimatized there as soon as possible. To kick the unknown factors out soon of my mind.
I happened to know a senior there through my friend. Her name was Kalyani. My first socializing move happened through her. I was being introduced to the sophomores (second year) by Kalyani. As they enquired about me, I returned the gesture.

That's it! Like wild fire, my name was being spread for controversies among my own hostel mates and seniors.
This was why they were looking for me - "Who is Abirami? There is one girl who has come from Chennai and talking in ENGLISH. [And that was unpardonable then] Who is that girl who is asking questions back to seniors [like what is your name? where are you coming from?]? One half crack says 'Nice to meet you' to the seniors. Where is she?"

Terror! My fellow hostel mates were afraid to tell my name. They hadn't seen or interacted with me, just heard my name as I was the most wanted person. Know what? I was blissfully unaware of all these happenings.

With my unconventional but spontaneous behaviour though, I continued to become famous... Mostly related to ragging incidents.

For Chennai freshers, our train journey back home for holidays and vacation had always been a great adventure in itself. Soon after our first train journey, people were again looking for me 'Abirami interrupted the ragging session conducted earnestly by the final years in the train and said she wanted to go to sleep. No one has ever done that.'

This was very hard for me. Because, I couldn't instill any fear factor in me forcefully, especially for ragging. I continued to see the seniors as seniors. Nothing more than that. I found it extremely hard to keep my face stern and serious, when the ragging sessions were going on. Thankfully they were not harsh or abusive. It was jus meaningless. To put up a show as if I was terrified was so difficult, it was like I could burst into laughter anytime...

Anyways, years rolled by fast! and soon I became a mother... Wait wait... lots of things happened in between... Long living friendships, degree, job, falling in love (haven't gotten up yet), marriage, child and don't know what's next...

Hell with my view!

Your view or My view:

Views, opinions, judgements are all over the place… Except devils and dogs, I think everyone is all the time making comments about almost everything.

I got into a heated discussion with my bro sometime last week about culture. Each of us was profusely abusing each other’s views and thoughts.

Suddenly a grappling thought occurred. Who the hell am I to pass a comment or judgement on something someone did. Do I know all the parameters with which they performed that action?

Take for example, ‘He shouldn’t have ditched that girl and married another girl’ How easily said? Now, do I know what agony he underwent before making such a decision, do I know what transpired between the couple, do I know how things were conspired against him? Or do I know how his planets and stars were lined up against him? ;-)

I might have known a few things but not everything, not in its entirety. So, why don’t I just shut up?!

Each one is unique and each situation is unique. Every moment is different. No two people can think or act the same way.

I think we should leave it to them to handle their doings or karma, instead of spraying frivolous comments on people and their decisions. Right or wrong is so subjective and we can argue on it forever.

Now, am I going to stop talking about MMS, MSD, Sonia Gandhi, Tirupathi Balaji (yeah… I mean Lord Venky) or Aleem Dar? Oh pls… I am not Lady Good or Lady Right!
But I think I will not meddle with anyone’s personal decision not until I am asked to.

Sorry Bro if I hurt your feelings. Yet, please don’t provoke me again and testify this article. Because I admit I am not yet Lady good or right. ;-)

Shopping and Sex

Shopping and Sex

I see a strong relationship, at the same time, a sharp contrast in these two acts... Have you made any guesses already?! :-) Whatever the answer is, pls read on...

Shopping - it is the most exciting thing that a bride looks forward to in a marriage function... Remember all the shopping plans, sarees, dresses, jewels, make up, etc etc. Certainly an exciting one!
Sex - What is this? Oh yeah... you got it right! this is for the groom. Not sure of the interest the guy shows in taking a black/gray blazer or maroon/half white kurta set! But definitely, he is 'on' for the first night!
These two are the things that keep male and female rejuvenated, energized, ever!

Don't gag...

I pause here for a moment in a pensive mood... and dare to write that men and women in a marriage are like two different species. They are asked and expected to lead/live life together 'padinaarum petru peru vaazhvu vaazhga' (may you live gloriously with all kind of richness (including love, laughter, kids etc) filled in your life)! Until the thread of love develops between these two species and binds them together, the above statement is a joke, isn't it?

Why I am taking a hit at marriage now? I am into this for the last 7 years! Is my marriage breaking down? :-)) Not definitely...

This is a dig at how marriages are conducted in our culture... In this modern era, where everything is decided by logic and nothing else, this eludes all logic and the expectation from society is absurd and ridiculous! Mind you, I am not talking about the ritual, but the mindset of all the people involved.

Sacred thread is tied in a minute, man and woman declared husband and wife effortlessly. Will the kissing (now the groom can kiss the bride!) or taking rounds around the sacred fire melt the ego and unite them? I doubt!

This is more true for arranged marriages. Whether the liking is developed between the two or not is not the question! "Horoscope and caste match so you live happily with the other half!" Things are changing nowadays and 'know each other' time is allotted by parents. Hope it is a fair process, saying 'no' is also allowed.

Finally, I am not sure of any solution neither have I any suggestions for a better marital life... Because amongst all these contrasts, differences between the partners, life goes on either willingly or unwillingly. There must be a few of us here who may feel 'this is not my case. I love my partner. I value and accept his/her opinions and differences. Shopping or sex? silly, we are beyond it. I know my partner very well'. Kudos and Congratulations to those fellas...

To the rest, I can only say 'You are not alone' :-)

Stoned and stunned!!!

It was reasonably dark. I returned from work early, compared to the guilt-filled late night hours. While I was entering my house gate, there was this usual street dog who resides in around our parking area... I ignore it and don't care to acknowledge it. Rather too busy even to glance her. There are four houses in the apartment... Through the day the dog would spend time inside, sometimes outside the gate. When she is out, someone needs to arrive at the gate, so that the gate will be opened. Today, when I returned, she was staying out. Casually, I just happened to look into her eyes! I was stoned and stunned... so much emotion overflowing. I asked her 'ammu kutti, would you like to stay inside dear'. First time I spoke to her I suppose... She replied very beautifully, 'she came behind me waging her tails gleefully' It kindled a different emotion in me.
There is so much of love all around us, in a leaf, a rock, a flower and more abundantly in animals too. But I suppose, we are going behind human beings to share it.

[No wonder Americans prefer Pets, to their spouses! They are already ahead of us... ]

I am not patronizing to have pets at home certainly. All I am conveying is that it becomes easy to respond to life around in a graceful way when you experience something like this! I don't think I will go, caress her, for I am forever afraid of that species. But my heart will beat for it!

Good bye my dear!

It's new year! I don't know if I should be writing something like this... I need a vent out. So this article is dedicated to me and me alone!

He was doing great, on top of the world I should say, just fine and healthy. He also had a care-taker. She was not OK though. The care-taker didn't even know he was there. It was like she alone was present and he was not there. This guy tried to differentiate his presence in several ways to her. She continued to ignore him, but not for long.

The day came when both he and she met each other. The next day, for various reasons, she sent him to another care-taker!

She bid a painful adieu to him with prayers that he would be happy, healthy and in good terms with his new care-taker. Because she knows there are plenty of people unlike her waiting for his arrival. He would be a happy person there. She has such strong positive vibes for him. Till her last breath, she would pray for his wellness.

Now he is gone away from her... She misses him dearly. Hope he has reached a person who can nurture him for 9 long months and bring him to this world as a strong healthy person. She is sure he would enter a space where he would bring loads of happiness to one and all.

This may sound crazy but she knows she will meet him one day! Until then, Good-bye my dear! and Good luck!